The talk of the week

The talk of the week is BONUS.

I got to know about it at last week's annual dinner party committee meeting. The chair was making a comment that some people maybe happier, or, not so happy, because by the time of the party, we would have known what we're receiving for our bonuses.

So, yes, after Monday's big email about this stupid special award, I'm talking about money again. $_$

I saw people from other departments went into meeting rooms, some having poker face in the meeting, some when they left the room, and some beaming brightly for the rest of the day. For our team, we didn't know our numbers until around 5pm. By 3pm, I started to think that maybe the rest of our team has already received the announcement and I have just missed it because I'm not getting any. It was such a relief (yes, I need money to pay tax and tuition) when the first teammate was called into the room to have the talk. Most of us took about 5 to 10 minutes to receive the letter and leave. My conversation with boss was crisp and short. He asked if I have any complaint about the raise. I mean... well, what can you do anyway? It's all fixed, isn't it? But 妙品 probably talked for at least 20mins and she looked like she has been ranting for the past full 20mins! Anyway, I won't know what other's getting because they won't ask me. And of course, I would not initiate any conversation like "so, how much is your bonus this year?"

This year's raise was actually less than last year's. But if I count the bonus into the whole package, the increase is, I have to admit, actually quite generous. I just did a very stupid spreadsheet summary (yeah, I kept all my payslips), and to my surprise, I found that what I've made in the past year and a half was actually more than what I have earned in my first three years of work. In fact, my annual compensation has doubled in 3 years.

But then maybe all of this is just a mathematical illusion? I always thought that my raise at my old company was phenomenal (always double digit growth, not in the teens but 2x or 3x%) even during economic downturn. So, I reckon that the numbers were so great because my base salary was lower when I first started. This means that the absolute change was high, relatively speaking, the percentage change would be even greater. So, I played around with the numbers and found that, in terms of percentage growth, my ex-employer was indeed comparably generous as my current one. And up to a certain point, given the same percentage change, absolute change would be greater than before. (argh... I'm not expressing the idea clearly , but anyway, I know what I mean!)

Anyway, my bonus this year has a portion that is vested and I won't be able to receive them until two years from now. What's worse (or could be better) is that they will not be received in cash, but in company shares (again!). My boss said that when the bonus reaches a certain bracket, a portion will become these stupid vested shares. Mine's not that much so it only takes up 10% , but it's still a lot to me! :'( He then emailed later saying that this is not to be discussed openly with other staff as not everyone will have this. Anyway, I wish they could be all cash. I mean if I really want to leave, will this 10% of the bonus make a difference? And if I'm joining a much better job, wouldn't the prospective company be willing to cover this "cost"? And maybe, I wouldn't care about this at all if I found my dream job? Using vested benefit to keep employees eventually will turn out to keep only the lemons. But oh well, companies will do all they could to protect themselves and their "resources".

Despite all the whinings, I am very grateful about my jobs. I didn't get into the job of what most of my college classmates did and I earned much less than they do/did, but I was lucky how I landed on both of my jobs. Yes, I whine/d a lot about this in the office and that about my job, but I am very grateful, still. Both of my jobs pay very well (in my own standard) and the workload is relatively light. People that I have to deal with are in general nice and I am not involved (not senior enough, obviously) directly in any of the office politics. The only thing that I'm not so happy with is - is this really something that I want to do? I always think that if I were married and my children were grown up so I no longer worry about my career path, this would be a fantastic job. But am I doing it at the right time in my career life? (Or, do I have a career to start off with?! And seriously, what do I want to do?)

If you are reading this, please don't read it as if I'm showing off. No... I never thought that someone would actually read my blog from the very beginning, so these are my real thoughts. It was supposed to be a place where I can nag and whine and babble and complain and make all sorts of mean and silly comments when I couldn't in real life. (Either no one will listen/want to listen, or I'll scare them away by showing the meanie and whiny me.) But if you've read up to this far, you might have already noticed that I talk about money quite often. Well, I admit that I'm somewhat misery (Mum has always said that I'm a miser "孤寒財主"). But when I don't have rich parents who will leave me a handsome inheritance or a wealthy husband who will provide whatever I want, I'll have to make plans for myself so that I won't regret later on about all the money spent and opportunities missed. And since I'm an only child, I would be having the sole honour to take care of my parents when they grow old (well, yes, they do save, but that's a different matter). Is it a burden? It could be, if I don't plan well now. But if they could have raised me when they were having a much more difficult time back then, why can't I now when I'm much better off? I know money isn't everything but I also know enough that "the more the merrier" works very well in every way when "the more" is referring to money.

Argh... enough of money talk and enough of side-tracking. I reinstate that I am grateful about my current situation and happy about my bonus and pay (tax, tuition, exam fees, insurance premium, and even Arts Fest tickets are all well taken care of!) , but there are a lot to think about what I really want to do in terms of career. So maybe, afterall, the talk of the week for me isn't really just the bonus, but something that requires far more contemplation.